The Open to Debate episode “How to Resolve Conflict in Relationships: A Conversation with Esther Perel” has won a coveted New York Festivals Radio Award in the “Talk Program: Talk/Interview Special” category. The episode continues the program’s ongoing work to show people how to disagree civilly and constructively. The episode has been viewed almost 100,000 times on YouTube, downloaded tens of thousands of times as a podcast, and aired on over 180 public radio stations across the country, including flagship WNYC.
In the episode, the best-selling author and psychotherapist shares what she’s learned through all her years of work, and three key words that can diffuse conflict:
“When you’re fighting for your point of view, for your experience, for the recognition of what you think really happened yesterday night or what your mother really meant, just to be able to say ‘I hear you,’ that diffuses things so powerfully. Recognition of the other and recognition of oneself—responsibility, not shame—go a long way in working with conflict.”
The relationships are not just romantic either. Perel tells Open to Debate host John Donvan how her insights can help repair relationships strained due to political differences. She notes that one in four Americans at this moment is cut off from a family member, often due to differing political or culture views, and explains that even the strongest disagreements need not end relationships:
“The difference between constructive and destructive conflict isn’t empathy; it’s differentiation. It’s actually the ability to live with differences, with multiplicities, with plural truths. It’s what we see in the natural world that we as human beings struggle with. So to differentiate is my ability to hold on to my own ideas, beliefs, practices, while being able to stay connected with you.”
“Couples often come into my office with two completely different versions of the same story,” Perel says of the award. “My job is not to help them figure out who is right and who is wrong, but rather to create the space to hold two opposing versions of the story at the same time. That ability to accept we do not all experience things the same way is key to being able to maintain connection, even while in conflict. This is why I was so honored to collaborate with Open to Debate on this episode and believe so deeply in their mission to bring multiple viewpoints together for a constructive, balanced, respectful exchange of ideas.”
ABOUT OPEN TO DEBATE
Open to Debate addresses a fundamental problem in America: the extreme polarization of our nation and our politics. We are the nation’s only nonpartisan, debate-driven media organization dedicated to bringing multiple viewpoints together for a constructive, balanced, respectful exchange of ideas. Open to Debate is a platform for intellectually curious and open-minded people to engage with others holding opposing views on complex issues. We know debate works to find common ground: On average, 32% of the Open to Debate audience changes their mind on contentious topics after hearing a debate. That’s the power of debate done right, and at scale, it can change the direction we’re headed in America. Open to Debate is broadcast as a weekly public radio program, carried on NPR stations including WNYC (#1 in the nation). Open to Debate is made available as a podcast, video series, and digital platform, and records episodes with live audiences nationwide. Visit opentodebate.org to become a member, access an archive of more than 220 debates, and attend live events.
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ABOUT ESTHER PEREL
Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City, has an online course “Turning Conflict into Connection” about giving couples tools for reconciliation after a conflict, and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 20 million views and her international bestseller “Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence” became a global phenomenon translated into 25 languages. Her newest book is the New York Times bestseller “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.” Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcast “Where Should We Begin?”
For more information on Open to Debate, contact Ray Padgett (raypadgett@shorefire.com) or Mark Satlof (msatlof@shorefire.com) at Shore Fire Media.