Debating the role of masculinity
How does the way we view masculinity in our society help or hurt men?
This week’s debate couldn’t be timelier as insinuations of ‘toxic masculinity’ continue to dominate corners of media, politics, and the internet. From the rise of hyper-masculine influencers and the viral manosphere, traditional masculinity is having a loud — and often polarizing — resurgence. At the same time, young men are facing rising rates of loneliness, mental health struggles, and confusion about their place in a shifting social landscape. In this context, asking whether masculinity is a prison isn’t just philosophical, but considering the surrounding questions is deeply personal, cultural, and urgent.
So Open to Debate took over a packed and lively room at the Comedy Cellar’s Village Underground in New York City with a charged and pertinent question: Is masculinity a prison?
Writer and sex educator Lux Alptraum, arguing yes, made the case that rigid gender norms still confine men emotionally, stifling vulnerability and reinforcing self-destructive behaviors — even among the most progressive. She compared the evolution of femininity over generations with the stagnation of masculinity, arguing that cultural change has yet to offer men true freedom.
On the other side, Mike Pesca, host of the popular podcast “The Gist,” pushed back, suggesting that framing masculinity as a “prison” is overly simplistic and overlooks the agency men have to redefine themselves. He pointed to biology, choice, and shifting societal expectations as proof that men aren’t trapped — unless they choose to be.
Toxic masculinity refers to unhealthy and often traditional characteristics or attributes associated with men. This includes being unemotional, power-hungry, narcissistic, and violent. Unfortunately, men are frequently defined by these outdated and unfounded stereotypes, creating an unhealthy and unrealistic definition of what it means to be a man in today’s society.
Assuming men should be protectors, breadwinners, or leaders, or associating men with anger, selfishness, and aggression can be problematic and damaging. When those beliefs are based on unproven biases that we, as both individuals and a society, perpetuate, boys and men are taught to believe them falsely or to try to measure up to them, ultimately harming themselves and others in the process.
Open To Debate may be one of the most vital communication channels we still have left in the U.S. today. We don’t talk to each other but AT each other. Too often, our solution to communicating to family members, co-workers, friends, and acquaintances is a stony, sullen silence followed by an abrupt, “I don’t talk about politics.”
It’s safer and easier that way. Often it is. It’s exhausting to speak to someone who responds to your discussion with “that’s fake news” every time you state something they don’t agree with. Worse yet is the retreat into conspiratorial fantasies. How do you respond when they bluster, “Can you prove JFK Jr. is not alive?” Or when they repeat an obvious lie they heard from a politician they admire.
Open to Debate addresses a fundamental problem in America: the extreme polarization of our nation and our politics.
The organization states: “We are the nation’s only nonpartisan, debate-driven media organization dedicated to bringing multiple viewpoints together for a constructive, balanced, respectful exchange of ideas. Open to Debate is a platform for intellectually curious and open-minded individuals to engage with others who hold opposing views on complex issues. We know debate works to find common ground: On average, 32% of the Open to Debate audience changes their mind on contentious topics after hearing a debate.”
This week’s episode was hosted by Open to Debate’s guest moderator, Nayeema Raza, a journalist and the host of Smart Girl, Dumb Questions.